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lavender

by Jake G.

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    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of SQUIDWARD 10K, lavender, subconscious stalker, repulse, also applies to me, sour, and alvin and the chipmunks: the squeakquel. , and , .

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1.
lavender 02:37
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everything this past week has been setting me off i wish i could explain it more but i don’t really wanna talk i need to get my head straight i need to clear my thoughts i need this day to end cause its been too damn long and so far I’ve only seen you once this month and so far i’m stuck in this writers block take a break from your life and focus on tonight you need someone there and i’d like to be that someone I don’t know what to do when i’m here without you so i’ll just continue the only way i know how everything’s getting to me its all catching up walls are closing in again feels like i’m gonna lose my best friends take a break from your life and focus on tonight you need someone there and i’d like to be that someone I don’t know what to do when i’m here without you so i’ll just continue the only way i know how
2.
$2 02:59
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i wake up defeated i don’t even try at all feel like i’ve already given up lie in bed and stall prolonging the action of waking up or trying to get something done angered by my own presence and i won’t talk to anyone i’ve become so negative the glass isn’t half empty there’s completely nothing there to me the way i see it now best intentions are your worst efforts are meaningless in the grand scheme of things i reach in my pocket only $2 left in my wallet bank account in the negatives just like me i never finish my sentences i don’t reply to anything said to me i’ve been biting my tongue until it bleeds i hate who i am now i won’t sugar coat it diluting the truth never made it any better i lack a lot of maturity but i don’t lack self awareness the walls of my brain slowly cave in together i’ve become so negative the glass isn’t half empty there’s completely nothing there to me the way i see it now best intentions are your worst efforts are meaningless in the grand scheme of things in the grand scheme of things
3.
repulse 02:36
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i’ve been starting to question the people i surround myself with they don’t seem to be too encouraging of me i try to distance myself for the better of my own heath but they don’t really seem to want to leave come walking back you let yourself in the front door took the key from the mat and made yourself at home didn’t need an invite you just did what you wanted to and i’m too much of a pleaser to say no recounting past conversations microscopic destructive exchanges i hate to hear the things you say about me but i keep listening come walking back you let yourself in the front door took the key from the mat and made yourself at home didn’t ask for an invite you just did what you wanted to and i know i’m a pleaser but i really want you to go repulsive impulsive don’t come walking back or let yourself in the front door i took the key from the mat and reclaimed my home didn’t give you an invite you just did what you wanted to and i know i’m a pleaser but this time i’m saying no i really need you to go
4.
subconscious stalker 04:12
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i shut my eyes i won’t have to think about you for the night at least i hope that i might you’re outside of my house i can hear you screaming out my name i won’t give in to your game you won’t stop i’m all pissed off i open up my door then i wake up you’re still a nightmare even in my dreams i can feel you right there coming after me i can’t escape you if i lay down you always make your way inside subconscious stalker ruining my night i’ll stay up later this time how do i stop myself from dreaming or at least control mine i can’t deal with this, not this night gotta get my head straight, and get my dreams right i lay down you’re in my house i start to freak out then i wake up you’re still a nightmare even in my dreams i can feel you right there coming after me i can’t escape you if i lay down you always make your way inside subconscious stalker ruining my night you’re in the crosswalk of my mind crossroads of dreams and time you’re running at me as i’m walking get out of my head, get out of my mind yeah get out of my mind my mind my mind you’re still a nightmare even in my dreams i can feel you right there coming after me i can’t escape you if i lay down you always make your way inside subconscious stalker ruining my goddamn night
5.
lucky you! 02:44
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always believe the victim except if they’re a man it’s just not the same thing it’s not like you wouldn’t understand oh what are you gonna do, cause a scene? oh please, i didn’t even do anything try and see what happens if you ever speak up i can turn around and say you did it to me you should feel lucky you should feel fine and i don’t ever fucking wanna see you cry you should get over it i think it’s hilarious and i don’t ever fucking wanna hear your side luck you i can flip it all around way too easily and i can make every half decent person believe me i can take full advantage of their decency and i’ll never regret lying about how you treated me it doesn’t matter if i did that to you you’re not a man you’re just a boy and you should feel honored lucky you lucky you you should feel lucky you should feel fine and i don’t ever fucking wanna see you cry you should get over it i think it’s hilarious and i don’t ever fucking wanna hear your side lucky you keep it to yourself and man right up i thought this was what you wanted any other guy would want this you should want it you should want this lucky you you should feel lucky you should feel fine and i don’t ever fucking wanna see you cry you should get over it i think it’s hilarious and i don’t ever fucking wanna hear your side i don’t ever fucking wanna see you cry i don’t ever fucking wanna see you cry lucky you!
6.
reflection 01:06
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7.
chisel 02:55
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i’ve been at this for a while now and every time i’m left with less than before i don’t know who i am anymore i remember how i was at the start i don’t look like that anymore now that time seems so far in the past bits of broken glass still the same person i was except not at all chisel down the block until there’s nothing left you chisel down the block until there’s nothing left chisel down the block until there’s nothing left you chisel down the block until there’s nothing left you had a lot to work with but it’s all been chiseled down put another dent in your progress but is it progress or just ignoring all of your problems take some time alone to listen to your thoughts instead of pushing them down to where they sit and rot cause they won’t leave your mind they don’t expire with time they resurface stronger every time you decide not to find the root of all your motives the reasons for your actions and your distorted self opinions chisel down the block until there’s nothing left you chisel down the block until there’s nothing left chisel down the block until there’s nothing left you chisel down the block until there’s nothing left you had a lot to work with but it’s all been chiseled down put another dent in your progress but is it progress or just ignoring all of your problems change your clothes change your mindset cut them off take the right steps towards self improvement it isn’t hard if you tell yourself it’s not
8.
stawberry kiwi 01:55
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i looked in the mirror today i didn’t hate my face i don’t know when that changed the reflection looking at me for once was satisfactory i guess i like the way i look today I’ve never felt this way before but i feel good for once feels like everything, might’ve just changed nothing’s in front of me anymore you’ve lost all your influence on me you’ll never get that back as long as i remember that i like myself for once change of clothes change of mindset change of friends change of mindset everything gets better once you take the steps to make it that way all change is good, i say nothing’s in front of me anymore you’ve lost all your influence on me you’ll never get that back as long as i remember that i like myself for once nothing’s in front of me anymore nothing’s in front of me anymore nothing’s in front of me anymore i like myself for once
9.
waste 04:21
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you’re bored you tell me well i’m bored as well our conversations are getting stale maybe i should leave now it seems about the time and that’s the only thing that feels right wasting all my time away monotonous attempt to conversate i don’t feel like doing this today running through the motions losing my devotion some things will never feel the same you call me up again last night just to say nothing to me i hate when you waste my time i’ll act like i don’t mind at all like you’re not the one at fault but honestly i’d rather not remind wasting all my time away monotonous attempt to conversate i don’t feel like doing this today running through the motions losing my devotion some things will never feel the same
10.
blowfish 01:49
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i feel things have changed we seem more distanced with the distance between us and all my insecurities i try to secure i’ve been at this for a while now and now i’m not quite sure am i causing the strain why do we not feel the same is it the fact that for a month i’ve been away minimal contact with you still can’t fix my attitude i’ll act like i know or like i don’t but i’ll fake it either way writing all my thoughts down in pen just to try and erase them anyway i can’t seem to know why i think that i just tend to push most them away am i causing the strain is it about time we part ways is this the scene where we both carry on with our day minimal contact with you still can’t fix my attitude i’ll act like i know or like i don’t but i’ll fake it either way
11.
in conclusion... 03:51
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i can feel it crashing down everything around me now coming apart again i can sense it right behind me falling right beside me now the walls all cave in overhead impending doom keeps me wanting you but keeps me from doing anything productive every life starts off the same and we’ll all die slowly every day starts off the same way and i’ll end it lonely why am i complaining about problems i can solve? how then if i solve them will everything else resolve? will i finally be somewhat happy with everything in my life i guess we wont find out tonight you got it all wrong man everything that you thought you had figured out won’t get you anywhere now you gotta start back up from the ground i know the truth is shattering you i’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news but it’s too late to give it up you know what you wanna do so when you’re at the top of that building as it’s about to be knocked down i hope you’ll know to go down with it and to rebuild something new on that old ground

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released September 9, 2022

written, recorded, produced, mixed and mastered by jake g.

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Jake G. Denver, Colorado

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